I drafted this blog post a few months ago. Somehow I was excited to put 2014 into a summary, to put it into an end, to finish it off. Now, let the annual review began:
1. The Second Dream
It still felt surreal that my foreign dream came true, even after 1.5 years. When I came to Australia in July 2013, I brought along a second dream. It hit me during the Easter break. For that one month, I shut myself and discovered how much I wanted this second dream. I am thankful, that I can even meet someone to share this crazy idea, that I can finally confess to a couple of friends, that the dream is alive when the news came knocking in August. This second dream has met another possibility of a halt. I should know the fate in a month time. Whatever the outcome may be, I am proud that I even carry on the dream for the second year.
2. Newcastle - Sydney -Adelaide
My longest trip to date, visited the 3 cities with 4 companions for 16 days. Newcastle was surprisingly breathtaking with its sceneries and it was a trip without planning from my end. Sydney was a sinful indulgence trip with a partner in crime. I planned well for Adelaide, explored most of the City of Churches by myself but with the occasion company of an old friend and my cousin's family. The trip was nothing less of an exploration, an inspiration and a reflection.
3. Malaysian Night 2014
I've received feedbacks and remarks, both supporting and harsh during the production. 2 particular remarks echoed in my head, 'You don't have to do everything' and 'You're just a student, you can't fix things that even a big restaurant is facing'. I reached home at 2am and collapsed on the couch, unable to feel both of my feet. A friend came knocking the door at 3am and we chatted about the night. Tiredness crept into me and tears of relief followed suit. It was a project that took 6 months and close to 60 crew to make it work. It was not great, but I guess it was good enough. I was definitely amazed by some of its unexpected impacts.
This was not supposed to be categorised as an up event but I guess I wanted it to be an 'up'. It wasn't love but there was someone special towards the second half of the year. I let down my guards and walls, for once, stop pretending. But it came to a point where the uncertainty was enough and it is time to be in control of myself. It was pathetic that after all this while, it is nothing right from the start. This was not the first time, but I am still a hopeless romantic and I still believe in fairy tale. At least there is something to remember, and at most least, I knew it was real at a point or two.
1. Emotional Turbulence
There were two weeks in May and two weeks in October, where it was the hardest periods of the year. I risked everything in those 4 weeks and not catching much sleep. With the 16-day trip, I guess I recovered slightly from the pain in May. The October's turbulence took way too long to recover. Come to think of it, I didn't have a proper break since September 2012. Everything came bang after bang, and Malaysian Night had probably exhausted every single energy left in me.
2. MASCA ACT
It was a regret and a shame that I didn't get to work on this. I was not at the position nor I have the energy. Letting this go was difficult, considered I have another to take care of. Knowing it's in good hands and there are working opportunities, it's all good. After all, it is a better choice to sign up for the other.
3. Third semester
It had been 1.5 years and I am still in the state of disbelief that this foreign dream that was once in a 12-year-old girl head, had come true. I nearly screwed up the second semester and my third semester was at high stake. It turned out to be the biggest academic downfall I ever had. The risk I took had costed me a heavy lesson. Funny enough, I embraced this downfall and lesson with open wide arms. I expected it and greeted it like an old friend, not because I am used to it but because I knew this is what I truly deserved and I had cried all the tears I had before this.
4. Lost, Uncertainty, Indecisive, Weak. Doubts.
Despite all the inspirations from meeting great and interesting people, the title said it all, I knew it all along that life is difficult. I had been fighting since I was 12, and sometimes I do need a break. 2014 is a test of temptations, game of gamble, fight of faith and story of struggle. I fell hard to the ground, unable to get up. I reached up for a hand, only to realise the greatest help I can get from is myself. I was embarrassed by my own acts. December was still difficult, there was still work but at least I took some time off.
Weighing both Ups and Downs, 2014 has not been a good year. Despite the glory and fame I had, it was a struggle, both mentally and intellectually. I don't exactly know how to face 2015, considering I knew what is ahead. But I do have a rough idea and a better mentality. January should be a good period of time to build it up. The leap of 31 December to 1 January always bring the brightest hope. God, thank You for 2014, for letting me learn, try, fail and fall. God, I wish 2015 could be a year of redemption and recovery, just like 2013. Thank You.
Nevertheless, thank you my family, friends, inspiring figures, acquaintances and strangers for being part of my 2014. Like all years, it was a roller coaster ride. I vowed and made a promise, that I will come back stronger in 2015.